The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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