There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
