he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
