Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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