I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
