we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
