Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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