I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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