Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
