Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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