..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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