Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
