she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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