So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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