i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
