There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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