No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
