1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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