Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
