I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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