We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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