My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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