Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize