Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
