Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
