did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
