No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
