Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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