Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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