This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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