a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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