just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
