Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
