You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
