bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
