I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
