You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
look no pants
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
