when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
