I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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