It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
