the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
