Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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