She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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