Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
