I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
