38 yer olds are good kisserssss
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
