I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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