Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
