You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize