Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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