No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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