Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
