So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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