is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
