I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
