she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
