His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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