that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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