Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
