C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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