i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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