So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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