your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
