he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
