Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
