There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
