Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
