Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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