Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize