my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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